Please... don't pull me under

My eyes hollow and lifeless

Face grooved with deep lines, it tunnels through me

Hands bound, arms tied, grip so tight I begin to lose feeling

Lips are free but they speak no words

Shoulders cringe and hover over me as they shelter what’s left

Others live with waves of peace and ride hurdles towards radiance and warmth

Yet my water is so deep I can barely keep my chin submerged, swallowing water

Heart racing towards the finish line

Survival instincts kick in and my lungs gasp for life… hold onto dear life

My water so deep I cannot see what lies beneath, blackness but my heart prays there is some light, a glow, maybe a miniscule spark or candle for me to see

I pray for a hand to reach out …please don’t pull me under

There is nothing left in me to resist but I wish I wanted to try

My depression has engulfed me, isolated me, and made me trapped in my own flesh

My soul once so vibrant and I breathed with ease

My shoulders were once unhinged, free to maneuver in spacious air

My lips were once used to voice what my soul preached

My hands were once unbound, no confinement as my fingers wisped dexterously to touch or feel

The ridges, the bumps, feel warmth, feel the hand reaching out to me, feel the smoothness of my mom’s skin as I hugged her, feel my charcoal hair and feel that it is me…

I want to feel for something--- a reason to keep going

Please… don’t pull me under

My face still lined but these lines once told stories of the laughs and smiles, the lines had life and a story on their own

Each crevice unique and each story was telling

My eyes were once brown before this blindness draped over me and I could no longer see the people in front of me, no longer see the olive complexion on my skin, no longer see my where I was going or whether I should go back.

I could no longer see myself when I looked in the mirror, why can’t I see myself

My soul gnaws, claws incessantly, drags and holds onto anything possible

It shakes the body, bangs with its utmost force, pushes with its whole weight against the walls that trap it  

It aches and yearns to be free… to be at peace and to have soft tranquility

I would pay the piper my body if it means I could change

Change back to the girl I once loved; the girl who wasn’t imprisoned by this depression

Please… don’t pull me under