A Poem for my Father.

When I was 3 we spent all day together

you cooked my eggs in the morning and we played princess at the park.

I looked up to you as if you were the sky and the stars.

At 5 you left. 

Not far, a few minutes uptown

I wondered why.

Still

you cooked my eggs and played princess at the park.

You left again

1000 miles south.

Resent replaced wonder because “it was all mom’s fault”.

You called to say you’d visit

cook my eggs and play princess

But I was 12. 

I didn’t like princesses anymore.

14 and mom told me who you were.

A wolf in sheep’s clothing

who found her at her worst, and took advantage of her weakness.

A parasite

feeding off of her being

as you raped, beat, lost job after job

forcing her to sacrifice the bond between a mother and her first born.

Regret replaced resent.

I am now 17

and I know why we spent all day together.

A part of me still longs

for the times you cooked my eggs and played princess and were the sky and the stars

because 

“every little girl needs her daddy” 

Right?

No. I don’t need you.