Poem to my mother

Writing this poem So I can finally tell you how I feel Sorry that sometimes you don't want to deal With all my trauma and emotions What I gotta do take a whole bottle just for you To realize I'm hurtin I feel like you never even cared Sorry that I can't accept love I'm too scared So I'd rather push you away Because deep down im scared you'll stay. Sorry I messed up your life Everything you say cuts me like a knife But you think I can't feel And everytime you drink you end up Spilling your true feelings Which only adds to my self hatred Because I know you regret making me I'm a fuck up a big mistake Wish I could pretend like you don't break my heart If I wanted to tell you how I truly feel I wouldn't know Where to start Sometimes I wonder if you even have a heart Like I always wonder why you say you love me Can't you see I'm a fuck up I'm ugly So i see why you left Maybe leaving makes you feel better about yourself Because you clearly don't care about no one else I can't even sit here and pretend That I see you as a mom when really I see you as a friend.