A poem for myself

the ones that care

are always in my ear

not to be annoying or a nuisance,

but to give me reassurance

reassurance that I am never alone

not even in my own home

I do my research and I feel like a monster

A monster with no direction

Wrong or right

I’m just bout ready to fight,

Myself to sleep

I am in too deep,

I’m done crying

I’m tired of feeling like dying

Permanent solution to a

Temporary problem

Something I just never seemed to fathom

I drive myself crazy just feeling alone

So I call my pops when I pick up the phone.

I need help and I am going to get it

Not letting another person tell me I’ve lost it

I may yell and scream

Or punch a couple walls

But I know as long as I have God I’ll never fall

Still a chance that I may implode

Just not another suicidal episode.