Poetry is my Curse

I think u all have the misconception that this is easy I think you have to miss conception that this is one of those fun hobbies I use to occupy my time or that these rhymes are as innocent as the ink I use to write them But don't trust that dot on top of the letter "I" Like we don’t know that dots around the eye represent gang symbols See to write a poem about a person I have to walk in their shoes and I am a size 12 wide so unless that’s your shoe size then writing about you will be uncomfortable. See every person that you've heard me utter from my mouth every characters story that I’ve ever told every point that I’ve tried to make brings me pain. See a poem is not a poem till it’s real. So if you are writing about a broken heart you better have had your heart broken or you better chuck your hand down your throat and break it yourself. I’ve written thousands of words that paint pictures of the most disturbing things that happen in this world. Once I wrote a poem about an 11 year d old girl who got raped. I couldn’t help my pen from becoming a paintbrush. My head wad fixed in one position because I couldn’t feel my neck. My nerve endings became her nerve endings and I felt every single thing. I am a man so for your own safety don’t even try to imagine how uncomfortable that was. Have you ever had someone scream for help in your face and you watch them knowing there nothing u can do? It gives u nightmares at night because even though it’s not real it’s so real. You see those are the kind of situations that these words put me through. I’ve wanted out so many times but the letter I is a powerful gangster and a knows a lot of G's That I’m ashamed to say that I’m scared of But what can I do I controls the letters to my name Friends with the numbers of my social security. That is why these words are constantly taking away my identity And giving me a new ones I’ve been that boy with no father Which pusher my father farther away than the 6000 miles that already separate us I’ve been that girl that men use every single day But had no choice because minimum wage pay is not enough It will never be okay And In school I would have to tell my friends. No I’m not gay I just love to write good poems. It’s my talent Haven’t you ever loved something that hurts u You see these poems I create are my children and I feel like the mom of a serial killer because even though I create monsters, I still love them. And just like that mom who wished her sun played with Gameboys instead of guns I wish I could write about butterflies instead of angry bees that follow the leadership of my letter I's Then maybe these nightmares would subside I try, I try to comfort myself and say It’s not real It’s not real But the sad truth is I’m right about what I write about. I come up on stage and perform I guess it’s a type of entertainment I call myself crazy, but they sugar coat it and call me a poet Don’t you see it’s not like I wouldn’t want to write a poem for you It’s just that I’m not Jesus Christ. I can’t take the pain you. You got to understand to write a good poem like this you have to experience pain. To be good at what I do it really hurts But what hurts even more is that this is the only thing that I’m actually really good at.