Pondering Questions

Dear God;   I don’t mean to prod. I just have these pondering questions; About my life lessons.   How much more pain is to come? Every day I pray for the pain to be gone. Though only twenty-five; I allowed corruption to take over and lost my drive. Weighed down by crippling weight placed on my shoulders; I crumbled.... It is difficult to be your soldier.   Forgive me; I honestly don’t mean to prod. I need enlightenment god. Another one of your souls are completely lost. Weighed down from exhaust. I hope you know I am a believer; I do not question your final plan lord. I just need to know when comes the light because I am grasping at life cords. Give me enlightenment on when these life lessons you keep presenting me; Will turn to sweet blessings and finally put my soul free.   So many questions weighing my mind… hardly any strength left to find. These constant afflictions; Cursed from so many addictions? Have weighed me down to where I have lost fight. Countless times already I have almost met you through heaven's light.   I know many humans struggle with addiction. I just don't realize why so young I have been condemned to multiple addictions and held at constant restriction. How many addictions do I have to overcome? Until the hell will be done.   I recognize you have a plan. One day I hope I will understand. But I need guidance on standing tall. The last lesson I received was quite the fall.   Amen   -C. Jackson. ©doublec94