Prayer of a Teenage Heart

You speak of dreams,

But I dare not tell you mine.

He was in them, you know,

Dressed in that red plaid shirt

That I said I loved.

I stood at the stove

And felt him leaning against me,

His side

Pressed against mine,

The warmth of his body

Agonizingly welcome.

“Romero,”

He said to me,

“Why won’t you look at me?”

For my head was turned aside,

My eyes shut tight,

Chest cramping

With pain.

I couldn’t bear

To see his smile.

Why wouldn’t I look at him?

Because I’m weak.

I tell myself I am strong.

I run, push, fight, laugh, sing…

But it’s not enough.

What will happen

If I lose it all?

What is the sweat of my brow

Worth,

If I can throw it all away

With one decision,

One mistake?

Oh, Lord,

Father,

Why do we always

End up back here?

Do I tread a circle,

Mindlessly returning

To the same spot,

Never getting free?

What am I to You?

What is my faith?

A lie, or a veil,

So easily torn to shreds?

Am I even real?

Why am I so fragile?

Why does everything hurt

So much?

Why do You not answer me?

Have I wandered so far,

That I couldn’t hear You

Even if I wanted to?

What is this all worth?

Why is it me who is here?

Why

Do I exist?

No answer comes.

No answer comes.

And, still, no answer comes…