Prayers of the Hopeless

Why me?

Empty, and alone

Stripped of my skin with my core exposed.

I thought it was a dream, when the screams wouldn’t stop

When my skin felt too hot

When my eyes got too wide

When my heart started beating too slow

My head started spinning too fast.

My mind was a track star

Each thought sprinting to the finish line

Lord Why Me?

The inner demons scratch at my thighs, my arms, my waist

My heart.

God you died on the cross for my sins

But, why do I feel like I’m the next to be crucified?

The proverbs told me that if I confess my sins and turn from them

I would receive mercy

But the brutal sword of the tongue, stabs at my heart every night

I’m tired.

I’m tired of the same washing cycle running through mental

Bash, Break, and Repeat

I’m drowning in a sea of possibilities.

The cold, dark waters lapping at my skin.

Raw, marked, broken, and bleeding

Pulled down, dragged without conscious thought

Prey to a sea of predators, slipping into darkness

Holding on by a thread

Swimming towards potential, towards hope

Breaking through the surface, taking my first breath of reality.

I am my biggest enemy

I aim to tear myself down, to make myself look weak.

Knees on the ground, head hung low I pray to you

I Beg You.

To help me, to change me.

Guide me from the cliffs edge, point me to higher ground

Because the floodgates have opened, and the heavens trumpet sounds

But the stars don’t twinkle anymore

The sun doesn’t shine, and the sky isn’t blue

 I ask again

Why Me Lord?

Why don’t you love me like you say you do?