Empty, and alone
Stripped of my skin with my core exposed.
I thought it was a dream, when the screams wouldn’t stop
When my skin felt too hot
When my eyes got too wide
When my heart started beating too slow
My head started spinning too fast
My mind was a track star
Each thought sprinting to the finish line
Lord Why Me?
The inner demons scratch at my thighs, my arms, my waist,
God you died on the cross for my sins
But, why do I feel like I’m the next to be crucified?
The proverbs told me that if I confess my sins and turn from them
I would receive mercy
But the brutal sword of the tongue, stabs at my heart every night
I’m tired of the same washing cycle running through mental
Bash, Break, and Repeat
I’m drowning in a sea of possibilities.
The cold, dark waters lapping at my skin.
Raw, marked, broken, and bleeding
Pulled down, dragged without conscious thought
Prey to a sea of predators, slipping into darkness
Holding on by a thread
Swimming towards potential, towards hope
Breaking through the surface, taking my first breath of reality.
I am my biggest enemy
I aim to tear myself down, to make myself look weak.
Knees on the ground, head hung low I pray to you
I Beg You.
To help me, to change me.
Guide me from the cliffs edge, point me to higher ground
Because the floodgates have opened, and the heavens trumpet sounds
But the stars don’t twinkle anymore
The sun doesn’t shine, and the sky isn’t blue
I ask again
Why Me Lord?
Why don’t you love me like you say you do?