Pretend

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I am strong
I've been strong for a while,
Like a warrior; pretending I was Mulan with darker skin
Because back then,
the kids loved to play pretend and I was solid.
Nothing really affected me, like when I was called ugly by a boy who I thought was my friend,
Or when, my other friends ran away from me when I stopped playing pretend
But I am strong.
So when that ignorant, naive little white boy called me a "n"
I didn't react.
And shit,
maybe I was too young to understand that some white folks don't talk to their kids about racism at the age of ten,
And that maybe its okay for another 5th grader to say or should I say repeat what their daddy could call my daddy...
But man,
When I got home I couldn't understand the meaning of a friend.
I looked and looked for someone to love me like my family does,
But I learned early.
Because sometimes we don't fully understand the meaning of a white boy and a black girl holding hands,
or that we can forgive and forget while the others just regret because I became insecure but you felt the affect.
I just wish you knew what it felt like to think that you are ugly for years because of what a 5th grade boy told you,
But I am strong.
I grew up and grew out of my insecurities and they turned into maturities which lead me to a thing called confidence.
And confidence comes with confrontation in a little girls world of racist interrogation but just know,
I stopped playing pretend.
..
For a reason.

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