Princesses Don't Cry

Growing up isn’t bad

It isn’t 

No matter what you say

No matter how much you argue

I will not agree with you

Throw me into the night when Tia Chita first lied in the hospital bed

Throw me into the moment I handed her the drawing she kept beside her

Throw me into the night of the stroke

Throw me into the night where I said “Te miro mañana” 

And mañana never came

When my cousin consistently had the audacity to say

“Princess don’t cry”

Deposit me into the gurgling pits of tar 

Where the boy who couldn’t understand the word no resides

Where his hand between my thigh makes the brittle scream in my throat snap

Where my begs go mute

Where my tears are silent

Then comes the voice in my head

“Princesses don’t cry”

I cupped my hands around a pile of pills

Cradled them as if they were blood rubies

Swallowed them the way my eyes wanted to swallow the stars 

Then purged them as if I could send the grip of his hands with them

It was only when I began to grow up that I accepted

I am not a princess

I’m a queen and crying is not a shameful act

It was only when I grew up that I pushed

For myself and not just for everyone else

Because I am worth just as much as them

It was only when I began to grow up that “Princesses don’t cry”

Became a joke I laugh at with my friends

Growing up means you can start to heal

You can cry, its okay

It’s just your heart saying goodbye to the pain 

When you start to grow up you don’t “forgive and forget” 

You live and you learn

So don’t ever tell a child

“Princesses don’t cry”

Because they do.