Prisoner of my own mind

Talking to myself out loud just so I don't hear you make a sound, I read your lips and take it personally, ignoring all the signs of seeing things naturally. Stoping the thoughts running in and out of my mind when I'm laying down at night fighting this demon that's nowhere in sight. Drinking, smoking, dugs keep running into me masking this pain I hate feeling, need the escape but it too far from sight praying I make to see morning light. Wake up next day feeling super light until that pain struck me like a light, Thunder crashing and surrounds my mind it's my old friend I guess it's depression time, sitting in the tub rocking back and forth, I prayed for something to keep me from going south now that you came and turned my world upside down, there is nothing you love more then to see me frown. Taking long to get ready listen to you telling me im no good but it this true. I played myself to long just to sit and wait as I allowed myself to be this prisoner, I need an escape. Hard pill for me to swallow when the well is dry please someone help me I need a thirst.