The Process of letting Go
My empowering helplessness
The fear that cannot be overcome
The lonely enveloped presence in the air
I have tried many times but my heart will not succomb.
I know there is something wrong with me
And the disheartening way that I feel.
Everyone observes me as the happy one
Not knowing what they see isn't real.
They ask how I'm so happy
Saying It's obnoxious at its best.
Little do they know
They're putting my heart to the test.
I've had a lot of heartache in my life
For two lifetimes to endure
My heart is barely staying together
But this u won't know about me for sure.
I'm the happiest person that you'll meet
But don't ask me about my past,
Because the happiest person that u know
Will start to crumble very fast.
My salty tears I will not show you
Or the twisted dagger in my heart.
The shred of life that I have left
Will help make me a new start.
You may have instilled within me bitterness
Making life not seem so fair.
But let me show you I can beat this
Rebuilding my life from your deteriorating tear.
You see I am not weak
For God has made me strong
And through his loving hands
I won't be feeling like this for long.
The piercing pain that develops
Deep within my terribly battered spirit
Will surely be renewed
So that I know longer fear it.
My salty tears christening the red carpet
As the moisture burns my face
Asking God how could this have happened to me
This disastrous disgrace.
There is someone there who cares for me
And I cannot let them in ...
It's something I do subconsciously
Because of your heinous sin.
I was raised not to hate
For my parents raised me right
But this ongoing struggling battle
Is a relentless & tiring fight.
So do I hate you?
My answer is no.
Because what u did to me
Started with hate I know.
Your dark way about you
Stemmed from this very seed
So I will not carry hate within me
For I am not susceptible to your kind of greed.
So no I do not hate you
But I do have to try
To live my life as normal as possible
To be happy & not cry.
My biggest demon I have
Are the battles within my mind
A solace place of comfort
I hope I one day do find.
It might take a month
Or many years who knows.
But when I finally reach that solitude
My face will be a glow.
And then you'll finally ask me
How I'm the happiest person that you know
And I will say "that's simple my friend"
Ive learned the process of letting go.
(C) MARA BENNETT
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