What is worse than breaking a promise,
One you made to a friend?
Breaking the one you made to yourself.
I made myself a promise long ago,
When the world seemed open
That I would be okay.
I made myself a promise to be okay.
I made myself a promise to get better,
But I feel like I'm worse.
I have no self control so I get fatter,
So I call myself names and think of purging.
I think of skipping meals...
I look at blades, or nails and wonder how much it would hurt,
If the blood and pain could keep me alright...
I look in the mirror and want to shatter it
Take it apart because I hate my reflection.
But I don't because I refuse to hurt you.
I don't care, I don't love myself,
I haven't for years.
However my heart shatters to see you in tears.
So I keep silent my anxiety,
I keep silent my tears,
I keep silent of my panic attacks,
I keep silent my fears.
I stay quiet and keep my eyes dry for your sake,
Not for mine.
I broke my promise,
I crossed a line.
But I am numb to myself,
So I will smile and lie.
My broken promise you see will not hurt anyone,
Except the frightened and broken girl.
The one I know as me.