31,536,000 seconds. The time I had to change.

86,400 seconds. The amount of time it took.

 

Days blurred together,

Repetitive routine with no interruption.

I deny an invitation to go out for the weekend,

No reason.

My body slips into repose even though it is only midday,

Nothing new.

 

It was sudden.

 

My body was up and moving before I knew what was happening,

Through the dining room into the living room thuds thuds thuds,

I could hear screaming, demands, thuds thuds thuds,

Steps shaking the house, I see my mom thrown onto the floor by the man she married,

I see the man she married the one I had been living with for almost five years,

Throwing her tossing her yelling his demands.

I didn’t know what lost animal eyes looked like until then.

 

I had never experienced adrenaline on that level,

There was no time to think of the consequences of my actions to follow,

The possibilities that could have ensued when I placed my body in front of the beast,

I had no knowledge of the power in my voice until it was coming out thundering and stunning the beast into his place from pure shock.

 

I had thought myself to be afraid and in fear of confrontation, weak in what I could do.

I was not.

The beast stood swaying and dazed long enough to give the true victim a chance to run,

The beast followed longingly for the contains of an orange bottle that was being kept from him,

 

It continued.

Thud thud thud thud thud,

My mother's eyes bore into me as she looked over the arm around her neck.

I had never seen fear like that before,

I had never known what it was like to read someone’s eyes before.

Still the message was clear.

 

With a phone in my hand and the beast occupied I couldn’t be stopped.

Sirens rang out and made their way to our home,

It was the first time they didn’t pass us.

I watched silently and listened,

Hoping the men who are trusted with protecting the people would remove the beast,

Would keep the peace and stop any more violence.

That day I learned I couldn’t rely on people to do their jobs..

 

It was only after the beast had been put in a cage for a reason other than the one he should have been

that I learned of true hatred and the feeling wanting to see every positive aspect

of a person’s life be taken away from them right before their own eyes!

  

Months pass and my feelings calm down.

Friends, family.

I talk to them about it despite mother asking me not to,

She asks me to hide my feelings and accept things for how they are,

She stops asking me after a few slips and then tells me!

I learn that day that my mother is not a person to look up to.

 

A year passes.

   

It isn’t until I spend hours thinking,

Looking,

Searching inside myself that I see how time has changed me.

I am louder in the sense that I speak my mind more often than not,

I realize the weight within my words and  the power within my actions,

My eyes are opened to better see the evil,

The vile sinful wicked foul vicious iniquitous that is in the world,

In my house,

Around the street,

Right next to me.

 

I realize the courage I have hidden beneath the parts of me that fear the world and everything in it

I protect my family and friends with watchful eyes

I protect myself from any beast thinking they can slip into my life.

 

I’m not afraid because I know what’s out there now.