Proud

Confusion.

That is the first emotion I felt when I found out 

My favorite step sibling had done the unthinkable-

Suicide.

I wondered, who could've seen this coming?

Not me, 

When I live 300 miles away with my mother.

He was happy,

Cheerful. 

So now,

I tell myself,

Always be on the lookout for signs.

Always look for those who smile on the outside,

But on the inside 

They're looking for some sign to continue, 

To keep living when the world has caused so

Much

Pain. 

I tell myself, 

You've got to do better than him,

You can't take the easy way out.

It's gotten easier, 

Over the years. 

I'm happier now. 

I still think of him everyday, 

But its when I'm trying to do things 

That would make him proud.