PTSD

Dear PTSD,

No, this is not a letter for my first assailant who held me down and called me a "fucking bitch" when I cried as he molested me at age 11.

No, this is not a letter for my second assailant who made you go away and then fucked me in my sleep after gaining my trust at age 16.

This is to you. You are the only one of these three left in my life.

I just wanted to say that I am broken but still whole. All my pieces may not be intact, but I am fully here.

I cannot be touched without flinching, but I can go and touch the lives of everyone I meet.

I cannot be held without crying, but it would be a crying shame if I did not hold on.

You will not win. You cannot win. You are nothing without me, and I am everything with or without you.

I am not defined by my past. I define myself and my future.

Thank you for helping me realize that.

With love for you (because you are a part of me),

Cat