PTSD

I take medication

Zoloft, Xanax. Paxil, Prozac, Prazosin. I consume them like water; the only thing keeping me alive. The only thing worth living for. The reason I can function the way I do. 

I avoid.

I avoid Luke and Dawson (K.C.) Illinois and Green Bay. My mother's threats and my fathers grasp against my neck. I avoid.

I have flashbacks.

I used to see him, her, and them in my sleep. Her being the evil stepmother. Him being my cousin and classmate. Alas, them being the bullies. I played it out, event by event, play by play.

I self medicate.

Marijuana and nicotine. Cutting and burning. I would to it until I became numb.

Lastly, I have "distorted blaming"

Only blaming myself. For not saying no. Or not grabbing the doorknob. Or only taking my anger out on my mom.