The Pulling on my Heart

dear boy who has my heart,

my life has been on pause for this boy

i’m like an unfinished movie to him

that you pause and forget about it

then have to start it back over.

on

off

i just want this movie to end

but it is unending just like my feelings for him.

never

ending

i’ve tried to end it and finish this movie so many times

but i just can’t find the power off button on the remote.

its like everytime i get the urge to turn it off for good,

the remote gets lost

and the movie just keeps on playing.

i don’t want to turn it off.

its my favorite movie

but watching the movie alone without him to enjoy the adventure with is boring.

all i want is for him to be there watching it with me

to cover my eyes from scary parts,

for me to be able to lay my head on his shoulder,

and for his presence to just be there.

but lately i have found myself having to cover my own eyes from scary parts,

find a pillow instead of a shoulder,

and i have nothing to fill the space where his presence is suppose to be.

i’ve given up.