Purging

No, I do not have an eating disorder.

I have a disorder of sort- I crave the release of pain

There is nothing beautiful about pain

But there is something beautiful of what comes out of it.

Pain is like a purge

It’s like emptying the contents of your soul, not your stomach

Yes you hate the feeling

It leaves an awful taste in your mouth

You feel the acid rising

Crawling it’s way up your esophagus

The pain may come a few times, but afterwards your empty

When there’s nothing left to purge, there’s nothing left to feel

That’s the beautiful part.

The not feeling anything

Not feeling that burger sloshing around in your belly

Not hearing her voice in your head when you listen to music

That’s the beauty.

Screw beauty