Push Them Back

Tears threaten to fall

But I push them back

Screams bubble up

But I push them bac

Words sit at the tip of my tongue

Waiting to be spoken

But I push them back

Those thoughts that throw my mind

Into a tornado of emotions

And self hate threatens to break free

But I push them back

Empty mind

Dry eyes

Racing heart

Because I push them back

Skipped meals

Forced smiles

Sleepless nights

I try to push them back

Frantic eyes

Splitting headaches

Unwanted tears

Because I didn’t push them back

An empty feeling

Absent from the world

Bitten lips

Do I still need to push them back?

With each push I dig a deeper hole

A hole that I’m falling down

Trailed by the monsters inside my head

Trapped by the claws they grab me with

With each push they grow a little stronger

And I’m afraid what will happen

When I can no longer push back

With each push I get a bit sicker

Sick with myself

And with the world I’ve created

With each push I spend another minute alone

Even when I’m surrounded by those I love

But unable to see that I am loved

With each push I silently cry out

Wondering what I did to feel this way

Why. Just why.

With each push my head pounds with

Embarrassing memories and frustrating moments

That stirs a hatred inside myself

Each push holds back something

Threatening tears

Bubbling screams

An urge to puke

Each push sparks a new poem

That makes me want to cry

At the hate and depression

I’ve fallen into

Each push shoves me deeper into myself

Where I want to tell someone

But I don’t know who to trust

And I end up lying about my thoughts

I hate each and every push

But I still push them back.