QO9H3

I lost myself a long time ago.
When my fear,
My hopes,
My dreams.
All became active once more, But none of them took the actions I needed.
My fear became a hunter that watched my every move.
Waiting for me in places I could never find.
until I made my first mistake, and it lined up a shot.
A shot that had been augmented by my years of self-hate,and anxiety.
A shot that was destined to hit its mark.
A shot that was made just for me, by me.
It struck me quick but didn't know me down.
Instead, it made me more aware of everything I did.
My past mistakes, and how they created who I am now.
How they made me try harder despite what others said.
And how...After a while of fighting They finally wore me down.
And I believed everything that had ever slipped their tongue.
"You won't amount to anything"
"You're just a cretin"
"I wish you would have stayed dead"
Maybe they were right.
I'm worthless, aren't I?
I can't hope for anything decent.
so all I hope for is solitude.
and I can't dream of anything grand.
so all I dream of is a way to make my life worth every moment.
But even those things I can't obtain because they scape at the back of my mind.
They scream, moan, and whine. But I don't listen to them.
Instead, I play with them, I aggravate them.
Until they grow to greater heights.
I can't help it but I want more I need to prove I'm not a failure.
But the higher they get the more I feel like I'm going to fall.
I'm going to fall and not be able to get back up.
I'm going to say things I've never said.
And act out in ways I've always suppressed.
I don't want to fall,and I don't want to be hunted.
What a failure I am.
destined to be alone.
destined to always fall.
And destined to live by the tug of my reins.
I'm noting more I'm nothing less then what I fear most.
a failure.