questions of mortality

do you know how it feels to want to die?

sometimes, i feel, i am invincible.

like my mortality will last a life time.

when things go wrong im back to wishing, hoping i was dead.

slicing wounds into my soft,tender skin, taking pill after pill.

my body wont give in.

if my body is a temple i'd wish for it to burn to the ground.

i often find my self wishing death upon myself, like a soldier in a war

but i am not a soldier not a fighter at all,

in my short life all i have known is feeling like something is missing.

and people say its hormones and itll pass.

but do you know the irony in that?

i bleed and i put the rope around around my neck and i sit

and i beg for my life to be end.

i dont tell anyone because if im not dead.

i cant want it enough,

do you know how much i feel like a failure?

between lies and mistakes and just general self doubt

i feel like im unsuccessful in every aspect of life.

even dying i cant master the art, i just sit and i rot and hope.

hope that i will keel over and die soon enough.

but the time never comes.

and despite my youth i am finished.

i am done.

and my spirit drops.

dont you see that im just so so sick?