Rainbows

Rainbows are beautiful things

Mysterious creatures

Allusive creatures

Taking several forms

Often they imprint on skin

Impossible to scrub out

To scrub off

No matter how hard I try 

All I manage to do is make my skin scream in pain

Blood under my fingernails

But I keep trying anyway 

As I try to all but rip my skin  off

For if I just let the rainbows be people I care about will no longer care about me

I will become an orphan

For my parents will disown me 

Which is why I must suppress the urge to call a woman beautiful

Suppress the need to make her mine

Bite down and stab the real me until she is silent

Playing Russian Roulette with myself

1-click

It’s ok to call a girl pretty but its not ok to like her

2-click

I am straight or i’ll go to hell

3-click

I will find a way to be happy by being with a guy and only guys

4-click

No one will love me if I come out

5-click

They will kick me out

6-click

Stand up straight stop bending

7-Click

Resist the urge to kiss her even though she is right there

8-Click

Pretend you’re paying attention to the shirtless guy and not his sister 

9-CLICK

Hang out with your little cousin 

so you won’t have to explain that you aren’t attracted to anyone at school

10-BANG

I throw the gun down and a bullet flies out from the impact

I refuse to watch myself die

Being controlled and manipulated by these negative thoughts

This toxic poison that lives and haunts my very being

Never lets me be 

But i’m not going to let others dictate who I am