A Rainy Night

As the sky cracked open

I felt something in my body change

Was it the grease in my hair

Or the bead of sweat rolling down my forehead?

No, but the something was different.

The air began to fill my lungs once more.

The remanence of better time.

It was rattling my brain to remember.

Was it the field?

No, it wasn't earthy enough

Was it the flowers I bought for the funeral?

No, not exotic enough

Like a wave, it all came crashing back to me.

The place, the time, and the source.

It was her. 

Can't tell if it's the alcohol kicking in or

my mind remembering her intoxicating quality.

My mind begins to spin in circles on the why?

Why are you fixated on her?

Why did push everyone away?

And most of all,

Why did I  pull the trigger?