Random Force of Emotions (Lost Soul)

It's funny how we all perceive ourselves It's barely accurate and sometimes we deceive ourselves. How do you see yourself? Who the hell do you think you are? You wanna raise the standards and you wanna raise the bar? You wanna make big money and pull up in a fancy car? Maybe I should ask myself the same thing. These days my mind's wrapped up thinking randomly about many things From problems to wedding rings to wondering why the alarm rings. From accomplishments to flaws grateful I never ended up mopping floors. Miscellaneous minds everywhere all around some loud some don't make a sound. Noises everywhere, I feel like loosing it substances everywhere sometimes I feel like abusing it. On fire - I'm feeling lit In front of the crowd - I'm feeling the (hit) heat So hungry - I'm feeling meaty Strange desires - I'm feeding it Computers - Always killing it With all the blessing's around me yet I still feel like I'm illicit. (God damn!) Somehow I still find a way to survive I've gone a long way from working with sadness and playing with knives. What's the meaning of life? What's the purpose of existence? What's the price for persistence? All these years in search for the answers Sorrows multiplying like cancer May have ended in jail Locked up if I had bypassed protocols to enter the mail Never looked for trouble but I think it found me "go ahead... go get wasted, I beseech thee" That's what the voices in my head keep saying to me I looked her (the voice) in the face and tried to say no Never knew trees like big consequences were from tiny seeds like nano Somehow I keep escaping the dungeon like a prison break "maybe we should take a break... " "let's wait for his soul to ache... " (- the voices) Forces of Resistance all around me My mind became a stage for the Brownian Motion Strange feelings, open meditations Life isn't fair so I tried to bleach(mask) my emotions Deep passions, shallow confidence I've got great competence but with no evidence The residence admire my diligence but in-house they desire my deliquesce After all this years I finally met the Infinite Intelligence I ran to Him with all my sentiments and foolishness My confidence - restored My Vision - unblurred My gifts - now available in stores And all these and many more happened at the end 'cause the kid met who he was and a friend I AM did it!