rape preparation

it first happened in the 7th grade

i was told by a slut with crooked teeth

that my body was good quality

like a video you play back to make your point

but this time

the lunch table went relatively quiet

laughter echoing down the line

looking at my face to see some kind of reaction

but i wasn’t surprised

i have been taught not to interrupt a man when he’s speaking

and let him run his eyes over my body like i was his

and let him snatch and grab and pull and

being told to shut my feminazi mouth

and it wasn’t a big deal, so i should stop overreacting

and i smile and nod like it was meant for someone else

but still i clamp my legs and slouch forward and hope that

one day i’ll live in a world where i can walk down the street without fear of rape

so i buy pepper spray and use my keys as knives

and memorize every face i see

so i’ll be able to point out

my could-be rapist