Up (rape tw)

When I was a child

I would count my age up.

"Next year I'll be seven.

Then eight.

Nine. Ten. Eleven. Twelve"

Up and up.

"I'll be thirteen. A teenager!"

When I was thirteen, I had a crush

On Anna. A girl.

I kept quiet,

And prayed I wouldn't end up in hell.

"Seventeen. I'll graduate high school!"

When I was seventeen, I did.

With honors. A 3.9 GPA.

I went to college.

I was raped.

"Eighteen. An adult!"

Eighteen was the year of "outs."

I dropped out.

I was outed. 

I was out.

I slept in my car, or at a friend's house.

"Twenty one. Then I can drink!"

I am twenty one, and I do.

But it's not how I thought it would be,

And besides,

I started that long ago.

When did I grow up?

Was it before I even started counting

When he took my innocence?

No.

It hurt. But I was still a child.

Was it when I realized

That parents aren't always right?

Maybe.

What a painful lesson

That was.

The real question is:

Is anyone really

Truly

Grown Up?

Or are we just Up?

I'm older, wiser.

I sleep with my girlfriend beside me,

And a stuffed bear between us

Keeping us safe. 

Cover your toes or the monsters will get you

And you'll wake up

Screaming.

Go to work and make money.

Spend most of the check on bills,

And $20 on gummy worms.

Is that what grown ups do?'

Does it just take longer

Than they say

To become an Adult?

Or does everyone still have a bit of 

Childhood

Left inside them?

To those who say no,

They are Grown,

No childhood left:

What a terrible thing to have lost.