Ready now

I'm ready now Ready for your bullshit I can take this fight this battle this war This never-ending game of drawing circles while you hog all the pencils but I Have the eraser And I will make my own rules And maybe this is stupid and when the time comes I'll convince myself that I'm facing pen A red streak of permanence Unchangeable and unflinching And I'll hold back, won't make the strong strokes I need to draw free from your circumferences Won't force my hand And maybe we will fail and flail and fall Burn like newspaper All the words that create us crumbling in on themselves but Right now I'm ready I'll humor you now Because I want to Because I feel like it I want this madness, somehow want the strange fire of frustration that takes away sleep and leaves me deep, deep, deeply Tired Wrecked and wrought on the beach of my own expectations and aspirations towards a world where the words that come out of your mouth to be written onto the page of our relationship make a single piece of sense and I want it slow, like the tears I would never cry about this because it doesn't exactly make me sad but just Irritated Tears tracing tracks on cheeks Slow like a red balloon rising into the open sky when a little boy opens His hand I want to get stuck In this impasse Promise I won't fight your trespass Into my life. And maybe this is unhealthy and I really should be dedicating my time to something else Something productive like Learning Russian. But fuck that because I walked into this situation, me, over the threshold, opened the door, shit I even built the house myself with my own bare hands so no I'm not over it and no I refuse to leave because of fear and anger and I intend to play this out wherever it may lead me. I start the things I finish Or maybe it's the other way around. This I choose to do Because whenever you walk into a room my heart doesn't speed up, rev up, I'm not trying To race anyone I'm just Taking a walk. The only part of me that you affect apart from my head is This little place Down Just below my chest Or whatever organ is right above my bellybutton Well it tightens, shakes Shit, the damn thing freaking trembles When I walk into a room that has You in it. I want you to know that I make this choice Me The choice to fight this war, this battle, this fight To play the game The choice to let you in To open my gates to the pain of trust And the healing of disappointment. I choose Me And I'm ready Now.