Real Life

I find myself Running from my thoughts. My thoughts lead me to my past. My past only reminds me of pain and sadness,Which makes me drown out the good times-Good times have been Forgotten. Honestly, when I try to remember the good times, I catch myself running into some form of a false sense of what happiness looks like. Its just my imagination they say. I have lost my world. What do they have to say about that? Its not like THEY can get it back (but) As struggles surround me. I only want to preserve .. hurt comes, so verses near, ive taught myself to .. smile. While dispersing tears.. REAL LIFE. Drugs wont even make me feel nice.. Separation. Im trying to understand the difference between pain and joy, lifes a game , a toy that people play with- satans trying to fill each and every void, forreal. Should I let him.. that’s what ive taught myself to do .Cuz Music Is a drug . Thoughts Are drugs.. People are drugs . Excuse me if im innapropriate, but ive never used these drugs just to reach a new high, ive only used these drugs to watch the pain by.. Feelings put to the side, on the inside im trying to teach my thoughts to work together with my mind…. Trying to teach myself to walk poetic distance with legs tied in a knot.. I have, light to go to, but no place to hide.. Peace of mind I wish a had a piece of mine.. a piece of a lie is the truth if its false.we were bought at a price I couldn’t imagine what it cost,. I say Laughter gives us pain.. Distance from pain.. which is why when I see a smile.. My feelings have changed.. From hate to love, im stuck. Only god can help me.. I think im helped the most, from each new song.. Life Deal with it then move on Sadly.