The real me

<p>My name is Sarah Booth, and it&#39;s time you knew the truth-<br />that I am one of few who aren&#39;t quite like you,<br />only 10,000 of us in the U.S.<br />I fight a war everyday but the battles never go away.&nbsp;<br />My body is confused and misused<br />Oh you can&#39;t see it but I can feel it.&nbsp;<br />In me, it&#39;s MCTD.</p><p>Mixed connective tissue disease, boy it&#39;s not a breeze.<br />MCTD is not one but 3.&nbsp;<br />Scleroderma, arthritis and Lupus: they all make me feel so foolish.<br />I have to take caution because they are all inflammation.</p><p>I&#39;m taking 8 meds a day to keep the pain away.&nbsp;<br />The burning in my fingers, Oh it just lingers.&nbsp;<br />Some days it&#39;s my elbow, others I just feel like Jell-O.&nbsp;<br />It can hurt to walk or to even talk.&nbsp;<br />I can feel like death when I can&#39;t catch my breath.<br />My lungs are strained because they&#39;re inflamed.<br />Let me explain, this means my chest is always in pain.</p><p>My thyroid is low so my fingers show.&nbsp;<br />When I&#39;m cold my blood gets put on hold.&nbsp;<br />My fingers look like ice and it&#39;s not that nice.<br />Raynaud&#39;s phenomenon, it&#39;s not that common.<br />When they turn white I&#39;m at a greater risk for frostbite.&nbsp;<br />All day this is yet another side effect I have to push away.</p><p>I swear that I do, I want to go out with you.&nbsp;<br />I&#39;m just so tired that nothing in me can be desired.<br />Imagine having to go though your whole life while having the flu.&nbsp;<br />Being tired and worn since the day you were born.</p><p>You won&#39;t understand because I speak first hand.<br />You don&#39;t feel alone because your disease isn&#39;t unknown.&nbsp;<br />Be grateful that you aren&#39;t hateful.&nbsp;<br />Your body doesn&#39;t treat you like shit; you don&#39;t feel the need to quit.<br />You only have to worry about Algebra 2 trig while I have to be a medical guinea pig.</p><p>Why did it have to be that this disease choose me?<br />I didn&#39;t do anything wrong, so why is this thing lifelong?<br />At 15 my doctor looked me square in the eye, told me the news and I started to cry.<br />There&#39;s just so much pain in and out, that it makes me want to shout.<br />If your wealth is defined by your health,<br />then I am so poor and can never have any more.&nbsp;<br />Because it won&#39;t matter how much I pay, or what I say,<br />or how I act, none of it will have an impact.&nbsp;<br />Because no matter what I do I will never be healthy like you.<br />I mean the doctors are unsure, that they&#39;ll ever be a cure.<br />Their work with me will never be finished, so my faith in god has started to diminish.</p><p>I can confess, that I&#39;m not depressed.<br />I mean yeah I am a little sad, but I&#39;m mostly mad.<br />Who ever tells me to get over it, I swear I want to hit.&nbsp;<br />Stop telling me to keep getting more sleep.&nbsp;<br />Don&#39;t you think I would if I could?<br />My friendships have become strained because all they think I can do is complain&nbsp;<br />But you would too if you were in my shoes.&nbsp;<br />But they&#39;re still a dick for telling me I do not look sick.<br />Next time I&#39;ll try to look a little more grime.&nbsp;<br />Then, will you see I&#39;m sick again?&nbsp;<br />Oh don&#39;t you see all I want is for you to believe me.</p><p>But how could you see that I ache, when my smile is actually fake?<br />Now though you&#39;re finally able to see: the real me.</p><p>The girl with MCTD</p><p>&nbsp;</p>