The Real Story of Humpty Dumpty

(poems go here)The Real Story of Humpty Dumpty (uncut version)
                By Brandon K. Sims

    Once upon a time there was a little weeble-wobble man named Humpty Dumpty, as many of you already know. However what has probably never been realized is the true meaning behind this misinterpreted fairytale. At some point, long after Humpty's death, his tale was summarized in order to conceal his privacy among those who knew him personally. This is the real tale of Humpty Dumpty and his struggle of survival.
    Long before Humpty's life began to unravel; before talking Elmo dolls became commercialized and before the dreadful TV series 'Jersey Shore', life was good. Humpty had it all. He became the proud founder and executive of twelve seperate corporations, monopolizing the snacks industry and making him the most successful business man on the West coast of the United States. Humpty lived with his family on a private yhat off the coast of California. Averaging millions per year, he just couldn't have asked for more. Some even said that he was "on top of the wall".
    One horrific day, Humpty's father was brutally assasinated at a night club in Los Angles. The suspects were never apprehended. Humpty, hopelessly vowing his affiliation with the L.A. Crips, was determined to meet his revenge. Simultaneously, he began to seep further into debt due to his raging spending and he was soon left homeless on the streets of California.
    For many long years Humpty faught depression, praying to find happiness in an empty bottle. He had been forgotten. America was snack less and there was nothing he could do. This catastrophe became known has Humpty's "great fall".
    Prison life became routine for Humpty, utilizing delinquency as a means of survival. He had no other choice. His freedom slowly slipped away from him until one night he lost it all. He had been convicted of capital murder after an army of very hungry over-eaters allegedly pounded him at a cougar club in Compton. Humpty was immediately found guilty and sentenced to four years in solitary confinement until the injection became available.
    Humpty sat alone in his dark cell. No more worries, no more alcohol. Nothing but memories of a time when his life revolved around Twinkies and Little Debby snacks. Now, four-hundred pounds lighter, he could almost taste the sweet, creamy filling, rolled neatly in a cinnamon-coated doughnut. His mouth began to water and his skin began to secrete vanilla extract. Humpty's conscious had returned to him.
    Six months later, Humpty was released on appeal and placed in a high-security recovery center where he desperately battled his addiction. Rehab seemed impossible. No matter how hard he tried and no matter how many hours of counseling he endured, Humpty just could not lift himself from his misery. Humpty once had the world. Now, hungry and institutionalized, all effort toward recovery seemed to fail him. It was later concluded that "all the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't even put Humpty Dumpty back together again".



Just wanted to lighten the mood.