A Realistic Goldilocks

Once upon a time,

In a land that doesn’t actually exist,

We open on a fairytale,

A new story about to untwist.

There once was a little girl

Who liked to wander far from home.

She took unlikely journeys

As she wandered and she roamed.

This child’s true name was Susan,

Though most called her Goldilocks.

But her nickname was so unrealistic that when it lighted upon new ears,

It graced the hearer with quite a shock.

For what kind of name was Goldilocks?

It really was quite odd,

For such a comical word to be a main character’s name,

It’s almost reminiscent of identity fraud.

Despite her wacky name

To the story we return.

The scene opens on our nomadic Susan,

Her head made up and her mindset predisposed to be stubborn.

She was skipping along a trail,

Evading her father and his spouse,

When she happened upon a dark cave

(For bears don’t really live in a house).

Her curiosity piqued,

She peeked her head inside

And was quickly surprised to find

This seemed to be the place in which a bear did reside.

There was no kitchen table

On which set bowls of porridge,

Because that would be a ludicrous

And an altogether impractical part of her voyage.

No three beds of varying size

Greeted her when she peered into the cave.

Frankly her determination thus far

Was either very stupid or very brave.

But at this point she wised up

And got the hell out of dodge.

She ran far away

From where that bear lodged.

Because contrary to traditional storytelling

Goldilocks was not an air-headed blonde.

She was not as foolish and dull

As the scum scraped off the bottom of a pond.

For what kind of person

(Provided they are in their right mind)

Would stick around for long,

When a bear’s cave she did find?