Reality Check- Saved By The True Rose

I wish you could have seen that I loved you before you pushed me away- you gave me a purpose- all I ever wanted was to hold you in my arms, stare at your beautiful eyes, and kiss your lush lips, knowing that you loved me…

But you did not feel the same, I was not who you wanted:

When I gave you a rose, you took it as a gift, not love

When I gave you a hand, you took it as a friend, not a lover

When I gave you another rose and a heart-shaped piece of chocolate, you took it as another gift, not love

When I gave you a shoulder, you took it as a friend, not a lover

When I gave you another rose and another heart-shaped piece of chocolate and a teddy bear, you took it as another gift, not love

When I gave you my heart, you told me that we could never be together…

All I ever wanted was your love, your affection, your heart- but you gave me nothing… You never told me why:

Why did you not take it as love?

Why did you not love me?

Why could we never be together?

I look upon the first rose I gave you as the last petal falls,

I watch the petal as it falls and twirls freely in the air before kissing the water with an unmistakable serenity,

As the water seeks to ripple from the fallen petal, I slash myself once on my wrist and watch as blood seeps from the scar and drips into the water, each drop creates another ripple as the blood mixes and vanishes into the water,

As the scar seeks to bleed from the slash, I slash myself once more, this time on my other wrist and watch as blood seeps from a new scar and drips onto the petal, each drop collides with the petal with an undeniable force as it begins to sink,

As the petal slowly sank, I stared at my wrists, both still gushed with the distinctive red hue of my blood,

I stared at the roses, thrown onto her desk, untouched

I stared at the pieces of chocolate, uneaten, still wrapped

I stared at the teddy bear, lonely, unloved

As the petal’s fall comes to a rest at the bottom of the glass, I slash myself once more, this time I did not another wrist, but I did not want my heart… I did not need it…

I felt the blade sink into me, I gasp for one more breathe of air, one last relief, one last moment as the light of hope fades…

I felt myself sinking into the abyss…

I stole one last look at the fallen petal…

I knew…

All this time…

Always…

I had already been lost…

I Awoke...

It had been months since that episode but today a pair of glistening eyes stared into my heart,

A pair of eyes that understood me, that enjoyed being with me, that loved every part of me,

I was so lost in mindless love that I forgot the person who watched me the entire time as I slipped,

Who addressed my scars with an aiding hand,

Who comforted me with a soothing voice, 

Who saved me with her loving soul,

Sometimes the true rose lies behind the scenes- now I know that.