realization

two weeks ago

i tried to help a

friend out with

giving her friend

advice

 

took twenty five minutes

out of study hall to

soothe her crying

i told her all

the very useful information my

mom told me 

when i had made poor

friend decisions

 

they always worked 

for me

 

her friend made a face

at her when

trying to talk to her

about something

 

so i told her everything

everything that i knew

about that i 

could think would be 

helpful and useful

 

she seemed to 

agree

nodding slowly as we went

about our day

 

“you are the best

roommate i could ask

for.”

 

“you’re so helpful.”

 

“i feel more independent

since you talked

to me about

everything.”

 

we listened to the rain

on the window with

the passing day

 

not replying to texts and

cutting ourselves off was

part of the plan

 

everything was 

going as planned

 

and i couldn’t believe

that she was following

through with what we

planned.

 

she came back from study

hall the next night

with the same girl

who had treated her

poorly and rudely

 

acting as if nothing 

had happened

acting as if she wasn’t

being manipulated in

an awful type of manner

 

i let it happen

 

i realized i was

my mother in this 

situation

 

i tried to help

but through the guilt

tripping and the texting

she fell back in

the pit and all

the useful information

i had learned from

public school

had just gone down the drain

 

came to a realization

that these girls

these girls were

used to wearing sperrys,

not the old ragged

off-brand converse

i got from target.

 

came to a realization 

that i was truly alone

that i was ahead

of everyone in this private

school game

 

i had these experiences already

i knew what it was

like in this world

they didn’t

 

they just turned their

heads away from trauma 

and continued to be

sheltered by money

and closed gates.