The Reaper

Yea um Im kickin it in my room,Trying to make this plan true. Got four dollars and a dream, let me see if I have the courage to jump in the stream. Let me see if I'm good enough. Let me see if I'm tough enough to handle the world and the work, the pain and the jerks. I have a lot of struggles here. A lot of anxiety, confusion and fear about my life and my  strife. Should I put down the knife and carry on, or just give up now, burry me, son. When I get old, it will all come together, but how will that happen when Im sitting here in a corner. Outside its snowing, getting colder but in my heart this passion is getting warmer. It's like my thoughts aren't normal so they want to bind me, but I'm better than normal, you all can't even find me now. Strangers give me sympathy, because everyone I know won't care about me. What, do they want me to leave? Jump off a bridge or dive off a cliff? I'm telling you right now I can't fly so please don't push me there. I don't have much muscle so please don't put more weight on me. It's hot and there is so much pressure. Right now, I'm coal, but give it some time and I'll be shining like a diamond. I'm all alone here fighting for my life, fighting to do life. I'm making life happen, but I don't think I'm good at it. Seems like every turn is a wrong turn. Leaving me at dead ends, leaving me dead in the end. If I just put God first, he will take care of the rest. If I pray first, will he forgive me for this knife in my chest? Give me a shield and give me the power to build a life, to build my tower. These hills are getting steeper and these cuts are getting deeper. Save me, God, where are you when I'm bleeding? Don't be deaf to my screaming. Will it get better or worse, is my life just a curse? I can't shake it, I can't fake it. Happiness isn't real and neither is my motivation to make it. These wounds seem like they will never heal. I'm deciding on whether or not to eat another meal. Give me relief from this, Lord. Give me the success I'm striving for. Please, God I will do anything for you. Please don't let me lose this game or this life. Let me win this education and this ride. I'm trying to get higher and succeed to meet the people I want and to get the life I need. Dear God, be there for me, I will never forget how you saved me. You're on top I promise you that. I'm like a balloon about to pop. I'm not a snake or a rat, but I have the life of one. Just wondering when I will see the sun, the flowers and the compassion. Maybe if I get past this year, the fear will disappear. Maybe if i get this job, the pain will be lost. I can be strong, I can succeed. I can be tough, I can be happy. I can be everything that I want to be.