Recogni sta

It began at day one.

Its been almost nineteen years since then but theres nothing I could do, It's genetic.

Who was I to know that it would control my whole life. 

First signs started in the fourth grade. Lack in the social department.

It also came with low grades and selfesteem.

You guys were always convinced I was just like everother girl. I wanted to do my hair a million and two ways.

But It wasn't for them at that age, it was for me.

I hated me.

Once I got to highschool it hit a whole new level.

You though I wasn't going out with friends because I was too busy but the fact was I too anxious.

I felt too uncomfortable meeting new people.

It was rare you would ever see me at a store alone.

Even the thought of walking alone with strangers made me shake.

I was always sure they were looking at only me. Or what I was buying.

Family gatherings were always a bummer considering I came from a different one than everyone else there.

I sat alone on the couch and staed distantly off into La La Land.

I would have though that would have been a red flag to you gus sooner but it wasn't.

But as of two years ago I started counseling.

I was only in it for a few short months when we decided "God can heal" whatever was wrong with me.

Even if the counselor diagnosed what I had and we blantly ignored it.

Us agreeing I was fine didn't stop the suicidal thoughts. 

As of a couple months ago It's gotten bad again.

But It's not gonna be like last time.

This time my deprresion won't define my life.

I will get better for my future and mine alone.

I will decide when It's time for change and that time is now.

As of today my fresh start starts with a phone call.