Recognition of a Hole

Do you think she even recognizes

How the room slopes towards her

How the tiles peel and curl up at the edges, clutching to the ground defying her gravity.

The room a funnel of her empty

The lights lean precarious and the window pains slowly crackle to get to her

To the hole that she is, that she’s made herself

It seems I’m the only thing holding my ground, still in my own orbit

The space between us has grown so much I am repelled from the hole

Hours and hours in front of mirrors reflecting mirrors and so many faces

Fractals of the beauty she’s become so blind to

Her chest sinks to her spine

A hole within a hole

Her stomach intrudes concave, an empty mouth waiting for a taste of satisfaction

A taste it endlessly salivates for, but has never tried to know

It’s air reeks of denial and distortion as if the hole’s brain were looking at itself in a fun house mirror.

And every mirror looks the same to the hole.

So many beautiful images, perfect places, and bright people the hole sees

They only make it blinder to the beautiful image that it is

Was.

She’s taught me these same wounds, passed them down, how sweet

Every bite she never took every sip she never drank every vomiting bleeding tooth snag on every slender bony finger.

Every knife slash, psychologist backfire, start-over, and meal-skip

Rubbed off on me

We used to pull the walls in together.

We stood side by side, two holes joined to make one and those walls never stood a chance.

But not now.

Her hole almost swallowed me.

It’s already swallowed her.

Her hole has eaten more than she has in days.

She tries to feel full by feeling empty and she tries to make herself beautiful by making herself bleed and she tries to push the walls away but she cant.

Her hole-self has already won. And the hole pulls the room in closer.

The tiles fly from the cement cutting at the whirlwind that is her self-destruction.

The walls collapse on top of her and the ceiling gives way.

The dust is settled and I see her in all the mirrors.

Her reflection is perfect. Blue-eyed and full-lipped.

Sucked into her hole she’s made her own end.

The most beautifully tragic end to have ever ended.

The most beautiful woman

I have ever known.