Recovery

by Ariannacreamer

December 8, 2015

What I'm doing here doesn't seem quite right

I'm lost in this tornado of emotions

and I'm losing the will to fight

you see in my head it's like a busy intersection

all these whips and turns and fast movements

but at the end of the day im left feeling empty

it wasn't always like this

understand that I value myself low

I put others before me in every situation

whether or not I am happy doesn't matter

lately though I'm not even sad

I'm just here lost in translation

waiting for something or someone to come by and make me feel alive

but even then I'm afraid

in my life nothing good lasts

so when something someone makes me happy

I push it away

because I don't want that pain that sinks in my soul when it leaves

people don't agree but I guess I'd rather be alone and empty

then be terrified of losing it all again

you see I put everything I had into someone before

and they say lessons will be learned

but damn I didn't think they'd be that hard

I used to not need to think of a reason to get out of bed

and never used to think about how many sleeping pills it would take for me not to wake up again

I drown in the sorrow life thrusted upon me

I look in the mirror and I despise what stands before me

those who pay attention notice the scars on my legs

The scars from when I snapped

a point of where I'll never come back

all the times I was told I was not good enough

I would never amount to anything more than what I was worth on my back

those moments where I couldn't see past the tears

and I wanted so badly to stop hurting inside

I grab the blade and the rest is physical history up on my thigh

but now you see when I snap I don't react

my body can't take any more scars

I simply retract into myself and I break

I hide until I feel like I can face reality again

maybe I have just become a little pessimistic over the years

but I can hardly see the point anymore

so if I hurt you I apologize I'm normally not like this I'm normally not like this.

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Comments (1)

Grant-Grey Porter Hawk GudaMay 12, 2016

<p>Powerful expression! </p>