Recovery

Do you remember what was true before you let the thoughts consume you?
An unrecognizable face in a crowd you’ve allowed
To become a disguise you used to hide
Every bruise, cut, scar
The times you tried.
And the times you wish you’d tried harder.
Im glad it never worked.

I’ve punched more walls and owned more blades
Than people who know my middle name
The scars of a past run as deep as every gun you’ve held to aim
When you were too weak to continue
But not strong enough to pull the trigger.
Making excuses paper thin, saying you’ll try again
As soon as you wake up from the sleep you thought wouldn’t end.

You want to die, cry, unhinge all the lies
From when you told everyone you’re fine
But don’t even know when you crossed the line
Or when it started cascading
Elevating
You became the one that you’re hating
When did you look in the mirror
And decide your life wasn’t worth saving?

Because for all the days you prayed it would end
You wrapped up your wrists, allowed them to mend
And all the harm from which you’d extend
You learn to be your own friend.
The long nights come to an end.
We too often fight our bodies natural urge to heal
The thought of being okay just never seemed real
And every dark thought, all you used to feel
Fades away, like the scars
And you continue to heaL