Recreated Identity

I'm alone. Faceless in the crowd I'm searching. Searching for something.

A body, a group. A community, a home. Soemwhere to fit, somehwere to stay,

somewhere to lay my head and call my own. And yet, in my lonliness. I am 

surrounded, by people and places and possibilities, glimmering with potential

and beckoning me, screaming to come near, come close. And so, I run.

Towards anyone and anything. Eagerly and full speed ahead. Towards the idea

and the dream. Straining my muscles and gritting my teeth. As I propel myself

nearer and nearer, pushing and pulling. Exhausting my energy, until finally...

Nothing.

I crash to the facade or pretense of a community that isn't truly there. The

authentic community- the idea of being good enough. It did not really exist.

Once again I am alone. With nothing to share, nothing to offer, no one to walk

beside. I fought for a seat at the table and have lost. My search continues over

and over in a brutal cycle. Leaving me wrecked and broken as I desperately search

for some kind of  community and communion with those around me. How deeply

unaware am I that I have been running the wrong race, pursuing a dream of fiction

and failure. The quest to belong, the desire for community. A deep kindred,

bosom of souls. This is not my calling; my quest. For my place has already been

found. Found in Christ who found me. Found in the one who has sought me. And

called me His own. Making for me not only a seat at the table, but a seat at His own.

He gave up His seat and borrowed a tomb, to not only make room for me, but to

adopt me into his very family. Calling me a daughter, and a co-heir and a 

precious child. Drawing me nearer and deeper with a scarlet stream. Which pulls

me closer, ever closer to the bride of Christ. She's full and alive and abounding

with people and possibility overflowing with stories and songs of proclomation.

My community and my life is being found in Christ. The one who was and is to

come. The one who had no place to lay his head, yet prepares a place for mine.

In him, by him, and through him, my very being is bursting with life, and breathe,

and song. The pursuit of community in this world is like the chastening of the wind.

The body of believers functions as one unit, leaving behind their ideas of belonging,

community, and kinship, instead they cleave together as one. Fixing their eyes on

Christ, the founder and uniter of our faith, reminding us that our faith is not our

own and that our joy is found in Him.