red

1. there is a boy but it is not a boy there is a man and he is vomiting on the side of the road, gritty and dirty and he chokes out, he coughs, “i do not belong in this body” as he says it, more bile rises as if his soul is trying to evacuate it’s a corrupt body, it’s a dirty, used thing and it’s something that i love, something that he hates something that we loathe and it’s something precious it’s something unexpected this broken thing, this bloody thing it’s something perfect —— intermission carve my heart out and dig your claws in, leave puncture marks, put it back, leave a part of you leave me alone —— 2. the boy who is not a boy at all wants to go swimming he does not know how to swim but i can never say no to those unfortunate eyes the lake is black and still and scary the boy who is not a boy smiles and holds my head underwater the water is cold and black and i’m drowning and he’s not it makes no sense, he can’t swim the cold is in my lungs the cold feels like glass i’m coughing up blood, i swear the boy who is a man dies in my arms fade to black, roll the credits, unsatisfying ending for all, nothing is resolved were you expecting less? was anyone?