Red Sedans

In life I'm surrounded by red sedans

Things that, no matter how little, will always remind me of you. 

Whether that be the obvious such as our playlist of songs, to the more obscure and bizarre like cleaning up my backyard, they will always be there.

The red sedans will always be driving. 

And there’s nothing I can do to stop them. 

I try to put up traffic cones, I try to lower the speed limit, I try to completely shut down the roads, but nothing works. 

The red sedans just keep driving.

I used to love this fact. The fact that the red sedans always continue marching forward, an indomitable spirit where everything around me would remind me of you, my favorite person.

Every bird’s song speaking your name softly, every book becoming about you.

You were everything, you were everywhere. 

You were my everything.

Evidence of you seen everywhere by everyone in my life. 

I was happier. 

I was calmer.

I was more easy-going, more filled with love.

I was a kid again, child-like wonder filling me to the brim.

I was me again.

You could do no wrong to me, not that you ever wanted to. 

You were always so perfect to me, showing me things I had never seen before, making me feel things I had never felt before. 

One time you hit my car with yours and I shrugged it off. 

You apologized profusely but I promised I didn’t mind.

“Now there is a little something on the side of my car to always remind me of you!” I joked.

You asked if I wanted to bring insurance into this and I thought you were kidding.

It was a minor ding. 

Nothing serious.

But now there is something serious.

There is a hole in my car and a hole in my heart.

Both caused by you.

In life I’m surrounded by red sedans.

I see them everywhere I go and in everything I do. 

I see certain colors or hear certain songs.

I hear what sounds like your name in everyday conversations, I see inside jokes we used to make. 

I see you.

You’re everywhere.

And you were my everything.

In life I’m surrounded by red sedans.

And I just hope that one day they will stop crashing into me.