Reflections

There have been a few times where it has crossed my mind. I’ve pictured myself smacking you right across the face. Pointing a finger and saying, “How dare you say that to me?” or “How dare you call me that?” But it flashes back. I think of the sadness and pain I would see in your eyes afterward. I think of the mistrust that would appear, and the love that would quickly vanish. I imagine all of those things displayed across your face, a red welt forming on your soft pale cheek. And your face transforms to mine. Your eyes change from the soft brown/green, to a pale gray/blue. Your nose thins, but jutts out a bit further. Your chin softens, and loses its scruff. Your cheekbones lower, and your cheeks become fuller. Your dark hair and eyebrows, they transform to a light blonde color. Your lips become slightly fuller, more defined on top, and a little darker red. They are peeling badly, from being nervously bitten. Your skin lightens in general. Your cheeks that are always slightly red, remain the same. I always thought we had the same cheeks. Your face changes to mine. It comes back to me. I see my watering eyes. I remember the stinging of the red welt on my cheek, as I ran my hand over it for the first time. I imagine my eyes. My pain was visible. I had trusted him, and that was gone. I see the glare of hate in my eyes. This was something he could never erase. It scares me when these thoughts cross my mind. I will never place upon you, what was placed upon me.