Relief and Apprehension

I finally spit it out.

I finally told all. 

I finally admitted it.

I did it. 

I regret it, but not really.

I know a part of me does,

but right now, I can't find it.

I'm filled with elation.

I don't know why. 

Maybe not elation.

Maybe the sudden lack of a weight

I didn't know I had?

I didn't expect to feel this way. 

This is much more pleasant. 

I thought I'd feel more angry with myself.

I thought I'd get grumpy and hate what I did.

But I don't.

At least, not yet. 

I feel light.

I didn't feel heavy before...

My physical pain still exists,

but the internal expression of myself

feels lighter and brighter than it did before.

Still not a light,

but something 

that isn't the void. 

Why do I feel this way?

I shouldn't feel like this.

I should be feeling the opposite.

I cannot understand it. 

It is pleasant, but 

I sort of hate it. 

Maybe I don't want to recover?

Maybe I feel secure with something familiar?

I don't know anymore.

Something has changed.

But I don't know how much.