To Remember

I remember when my heart split in two, my tears poured in rivers, and no one in this sad, lonely world cared whether I lived or died.

 

I remember when I felt like the world was my enemy, my clothes were chains, and my eyes were as empty as stars.

 

I remember when God was the only one who loved me.

 

I remember when I cried, when anger and tears consumed me, and silence met my words.

 

I remember when I screamed my despair to the heavens.

 

I remember when I wrote poetry because nobody was there to find me in the darkness I was lost in.

 

I remember when all I had to hold onto was a memory.

 

I remember how my friend told me she loved me, and how far away those words seem now.

 

I remember when my tears dripped like blood. I remember being ashamed of those tears.

 

I remember my wet pillow, because there was no shoulder for me to cry on.

 

I remember when fifteen minutes seemed like a lifetime.

 

I remember a voice calling me to come out of the darkness.

 

I remember how the sound of a voice and a pencil calmed my tears.

 

I remember my voice cracking as I spoke, trying to comfort myself, over and over and over again.

 

I remember the day that even the sight of the sky at sunset brought me no joy.

 

I remember my anger, how I felt torn and betrayed by someone who was supposed to care.

 

I remember giving up.

 

I remember my thoughts flowing onto the page like liquid gold.

 

I remember when nobody understood me.

 

I remember wanting someone to care enough to understand me.

 

I remember the pain of separation. The pain of regret. The pain of love.

 

I remember hearing nothing but music, words of comfort in my ears and words of pain and anguish in my heart.

 

I remember realizing that life isn't fair.

 

I remember silencing my voice because nobody wanted to hear what I had to say.

 

I remember hiding my feelings from someone who didn't care.

 

I remember discovering that the only person who does care about these words is me.

 

I remember when my courage failed and my stubbornness and pride won out.

 

I remember putting on thin armor in a vain attempt to protect my vulnerable, fragile heart.

 

I remember the mask I put on when my tears had dried.

 

I remember picking up the broken pieces of my shattered heart.

 

I remember when the words in my head stopped coming, and I stopped writing because my mind had finally gone blank...