Reminder: Stay Alive

Dear Younger Aja 

I hope this letter finds you well,

But I know it won’t. 

I’m not going to lie to you

The next few years are hell 

You’ll feel trapped, confused, scared and forgotten 

You’ll feel so numb and empty that color leaves your world

You will hate yourself, hate everything wrong with you

And be consumed by anxiety that you will think that you’ll never be able to breathe again

It will get so bad that you cry everyday for no reason

The tears will not stop running down your cheeks 

No matter how hard you bite your lip or dig your nails into your skin

You will be in a ball on the floor ripping your hair out thinking 

“Please let me die”

You ask God why he lets you suffer

Why did he do this? 

You are broken, you want to die

You think about it everyday for months 

But you never do it 

You never lost hope that things will get better 

You will never forget the words that keep you alive 

“This Too Shall Pass” are the words that ironically never leave you 

The words are true, never doubt them 

Things will get better

It takes a long time and a lot of effort 

But you will remember what it’s like to be happy 

You will be loved and will love 

You become wholly and unapologetically you 

When you find happiness again, 

You will let no one take it away from you

Yours truly,

Aja