requiem for a best friend

Because I love you, I wanted to be important to you

You saw in me something that others didn’t

And I liked that

You made me feel good about myself

Dropping compliments down like Seattle rain

I helped you with things and felt wise

You listened to me and I felt heard

And underneath the Evergreens

I thought I had a friend for life

Because I loved you

I did, I did love you

But it’s not love to be my only friend

It’s not love to demand of me

What you gave me without my asking

It’s not love to demand of me

Physical touch that made me uncomfortable

It’s not love to demand of me

Proof that you were before anyone else

It’s not love to put me before even yourself

And that’s why I left

Because I loved you

I still think about you sometimes

And whether or not I was right or wrong

I listen to the playlist you made me

And wonder if you have another best friend now

One that touches you like you want

One that spends all their time with you

One that loves without hesitation

One that sacrifices equivocally and willingly

And I hope that you find that love

Because keeping a part of me for me

Is why I can’t love you:

Because I have to love me.