Research Project

We All Think Ourselves Napoleon

1. I don’t know anything about you, Napoleon, other than what I could read on your Wikipedia page, if I cared to bother. Likewise, I doubt people know much about me, but, in contrast, I have no Wikipedia page.

2. Pages and pages and pages of script must have been compiled for Napoleon Dynamite- or that’s what I’d imagine, at least. Although, actually, I think I read somewhere that it was all just random stuff college kids ad-libbed. Yea, I think I read that somewhere.

3. I know you were involved in Egypt somehow (right?), and that you were short. Yea, I think I heard that somewhere. I don’t know for sure though.

4. But I know that I could drink whole milk if I wanted to. I don’t have to drink 2%. Do I drink that because I think I’m fat? ‘Cause I’m not. I could drink whole milk.

5. You’re whole story is that you were a big guy in France and Egypt and had some sort of power and a thing with Cleopatra or someone, right? Perhaps? Oh, the politics.

6. The politics in running for president seem so contrived. I think that’s the word. You gotta put together a cool song and dance, a suave slogan, and of course a good platform (of course!).

7. Didn’t you get a little confused with all the politics? There seem to be so many. So intricate. I wouldn’t blame you if you did. But you seemed to dodge enough issues to reign with electric grandeur.

8. That’s totally my aesthetic, by the way. That side-ponytail wearin, tetherball dodgin, milk drinkin gal. That’s neat.

9. You weren’t just neat, though, you were...iconic. You had it all, didn’t you? The power, the girl. Hell, we’re still talking about you! Still gossiping!

10. But he wasn’t just iconic...he was Dynamite. He had all that and a pair of sick glasses and classy boots and vogue hair and some insane (crazy good!) dance moves. What were you? Short?

11. Just kidding! Only your reign was short, compared to old Chinese Dynasties or the Ottoman Empire (oh, wait, weren’t you involved in that?). You had some wars named after you, I mean talk about lasting impact.

12. Both of you (both of them) are before my time. I’m sure there will be one more during my time, and at least two (and perhaps up to eight) after it.

13. You are Napoleon and You are Napoleon.

14. I am Napoleon. Minus the Queen and the Power and the Status.

15. I am Napoleon. Minus the Glasses and the Boots and the Dance Moves.