Respectfully

January 2018

Arnold Chiari Malformation

c/o My Brain

Since 2012

Dear Chiari:

          The chill of December air crept past me as I lay on the silent midnight street.

I barely remembered that day. It is almost like a vague dream that I am longing escape from.

I find myself casted away into the everlasting great void of life.

Scared,

flustered,

and apprehensive to the actuality of defeat.

My body was trembling, my fingers were numbing, and my cheeks were turning frigid. Yet, I was scorching, suffocating, and lost in flames internally.

Hot flashes again

and again,

but no way out.

As I gazed up at the sky, I counted the stars and tried to connect them in a way that is coherent.

I tried to come to terms with the cruel, dark, lonely world I live in.

I was also coming to terms with this body I hatefully despise

and these thoughts that overtake my mind.

My head was pounding and eyes were blurred with tears.

The heart broken truth was that I do remember that day.

This was the beginning of a nightmare,

the beginning of my fear coming to life,

and the beginning of a chapter I dread.

Regardless,

you will not win.

I will overcome.

Respectfully,

            Hana Ferguson